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DEDICATION

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful of all for blessing, who has led me to the completion of this thesis. Shalawat and Salam to the prophet Muhammad SAW (Peace be Upon Him) who has brought us from stupidity to the world of knowledge and live in Islamic nuance.

In this special occasion I would like to utter my respectfully thanks to Allah, the lord who has created Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), that has brought Al-Quran and Hadist to be taught to all human in over the globe in order we could learn much knowledge.

This thesis, I dedicate to my beloved parents; Drs. H. Mahmud Nawawi (Late), Father I will not forget all your love and affection, you can not be replaced by any other men in this world. For my mom, Bun Yatul Aslamiah; a bunch of thanks is only the world that I can utter for your big support, love and affection. I’m very sorry you have been patiently waiting for my graduation. I love you mom and dad they way you are.

Thanks to my advisors; Mr. Mahyuzar rahman, S.Ag, M.Ag as the first advisor who always tireless assists and supports me and Mr. Alfian, M.Ed as the second advisor; thanks for your great advice and suggestions on behalf of my thesis.

To all lectures at faculty of Tarbiyah, especially English department; who patiently teach and guide me to be a better person. Thanks to Mr. Agus Salim, Mrs. Khaznah Salim, Mrs.Dewi Hasanah, Mrs. Ratna Sari Dewi,Ms. Hikmah Oktarini, and others who can not be mentioned one by one.

Thanks also go to my beloved brothers and sisters, the ones who never stop praying, supporting, and advising me in this time; Yukte, Yukning, Minin, and Yubi; they are presents for my life. I am very glad to be siblings with you.

For zeitgeisters and the staffs of IIE and IIEf ; Kak Ninuk Krismanti, Bang Thomas Widianto, Kak Etey, Adam, Agung, Kak Rofiq, Siska, pani, Kak Randi, kak Siswi, Kak Winq, Aa’ Erik, Kak Iday, Mba’ Ama, Mba’ Vera, Bunda Wiati, Chris, Emily, and Gerard Krzic; thanks for the greatest chance joining the program of IELSP, the stories that you have told guys, those are very inspiring me to be better in the rest of my life. Our great experiences in Ohio will not be forgotten, all of you are my teachers.  

Last but not least, friends who are parts of my life; I thank God, for Megawati letting me know that I could trust her, with the truth of how I feel and how I see things, of how I think. Thank you for being my best friend, I hope our friendship will be last for ever. The participants of BPAP West Sumatera, West Java, and North Maluku, we have had a great moment guys. The members of FLP Jambi; thanks a lot for teaching me how writes fiction and non-fiction well. All my classmates and or Ex; Ruwaida, Harisa Gustinawati, Ahmad Febrianto, Kociyama, and others who can not be mentioned one by one; thanks for your love, affection, and supports.

 

Temaram matahari kian menyurutkan dahsyatnya

“Hilang…” Bayanganku seakan buram, mengingat sosok itu. Terus kulangkahkan kaki yang seakan kian menyeret langkah yang mulai tertatih. Ototku seakan putus dari sambungannya. Tapi aku tak ingin menyerah.

“Ya.Aku tak boleh menyerah!!!” Meski langkah tak kuat lagi, lelah menghinggapi, dan peluh membanjiri. Aku tak akan kalah. Aku akan menemukan itu.

Setiap lorong yang kutemui, aku hanya menemukan orang-orang dengan itu tanpa ikhlas, tanpa keluwesan. Kulirik lorong yang berikutnya, lorong tanpa nama, juga kutemukan sekumpulan pria yang lebih sedikit dari wanita dengan itu tanpa ingin menunjukkannya. Ke mana sosok yang menghilang tadi? Sosok yang selalu hilang saat aku ingin melihatnya, selalu kelabu saat aku ingin mengingatnya.

Ketika aku berhenti, menarik napas kemudian menghelanya kembali, tak sengaja pandanganku tertuju pada seseorang yang sedang duduk di bawah pohon tak jauh dari lorong tanpa nama itu. ‘Ah…mungkin dia bisa membantu’ pikirku. Seseorang itu duduk dengan pandangan kosong menuju patung di hadapannya. Patung itu pun menatap tanpa bisa berkata.

“Tidak. Tidak pernah.” Kenapa orang tua ini langsung berkata tidak padahal aku belum sempat menyudahi perkataanku?

 “Hei kau..tidak lihatkah kau patung itu? Dia sama seperti kau. letih mencari. Selalu berdiri dengan tangan menunjuk seolah menuding siapa saja yang lewat. Matanya tanpa binar tapi berambisi”.